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What is Normal Now?

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October 6th, 2018. It’s been nine weeks since the miscarriage. I met with our fertility specialist yesterday afternoon to discuss how we should proceed with our next cycle, and impending embryo transfer. Why do I feel like I cheated on my babies? Why do I feel like moving forward is somehow forgetting them, or leaving them behind? In the nine weeks since losing the twins, there have been multiple births in the family and pregnancy announcements from friends. I feel absolutely alone. I’m expected to be completely joyous and excited for everyone else while my own pain is breaking my heart   Don’t get me wrong. I’m extremely happy for them. A baby is a beautiful blessing and I couldn’t be more excited for the additions to their families. But at the same time I want someone to come up to me and hug my pain away. Nobody seems to see what’s going on in my eyes...... behind the smiles and well wishes. I’m broken. It feels selfish on my part but it’s a reality. Losing my pregnancy changed...
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It's a Journey

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Never in a million years did I think my name would be associated with the term "infertility" and "IVF". But this is the path that God has taken my husband and I down, and I accepted that. After struggling to conceive and suffering a miscarriage earlier this year (before even knowing for a fact that I was pregnant), we made the decision to contact CNY Fertility Clinic in Syracuse, NY.  Dr. Kiltz comes highly recommended, and is nearly impossible to get in with, unless you're willing to book out 6 months or more. But I made the call, and low and behold, was scheduled for a consultation 3 weeks down the road. Sweet. I went into the clinic, sat down with the pros, and discussed what was going on. Based on what I told them, IVF was the suggested route that was recommended to us. Not shocking. I had a feeling that was coming. So I agreed to proceed, had some blood work done, an initial ultrasound. Everything looked perfect. Blood was great, ultrasound scan showed...
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