What is Normal Now?
October 6th, 2018. It’s been nine weeks since the miscarriage. I met with our fertility specialist yesterday afternoon to discuss how we should proceed with our next cycle, and impending embryo transfer. Why do I feel like I cheated on my babies? Why do I feel like moving forward is somehow forgetting them, or leaving them behind? In the nine weeks since losing the twins, there have been multiple births in the family and pregnancy announcements from friends. I feel absolutely alone. I’m expected to be completely joyous and excited for everyone else while my own pain is breaking my heart Don’t get me wrong. I’m extremely happy for them. A baby is a beautiful blessing and I couldn’t be more excited for the additions to their families. But at the same time I want someone to come up to me and hug my pain away. Nobody seems to see what’s going on in my eyes...... behind the smiles and well wishes. I’m broken. It feels selfish on my part but it’s a reality. Losing my pregnancy changed...